Shrunk?

Friend(s) : Hey you seem like you lost weight?
PJ; huh? No lah, I think it is cause you haven’t seen me for long time.

Lots of people have been coming up to me and telling me that I have lost weight. Got quite a few who said 'Well done.’
Erm,'well done' for losing weight? It wasn't intentional. I was planning to diet but I gave up without even starting cause I couldn't be arsed. In fact I have been binging on unhealthiness over the past few weeks. No work was done to deserve a pat on the shoulder for doing well.

Then some would say ‘Is it because you are stress? You look like you have shrunk.’
Erm…I am worried about the coming summer exams, but not too stress about it Yet. But I was really stressed about the presentations which, by the way is over and I actually enjoyed myself doing it. I realized that I actually quite enjoy being up in front and being able to see the class from a different view. Didn’t realized that they are actually quite a few cute guys in my class. It was fun to make eye contact with the audience while presenting. Eye contact is really important to make a good presentation. It gives the person presenting confidence and the audience will feel engaged.

Actually I don’t feel like I have lost weight. It would be good to lose some chubbiness at the right places though. I guess all girls wouldn’t mind losing some weight unless they already are super slim.

I used to be really conscious of my weight before I came here, even though my dad always tells me that I am not fat and I look good. I think it is just the culture at home where people often make fun of fat people. And most of the girls at home are so thin. I feel like an elephant when I go clothes shopping at home. One of the best thing over here is the culture where ‘bigger’ girls are so confident and they look good because I think they feel good. And guys here would not make insensitive comments unlike most guys at home who when they see ‘bigger’ girls they would start labeling them ‘tua pui poh.’ (big fat girl.) Perhaps I am generalizing. But I really feel the pressure to be thin at home because of the culture. I was even slightly anaeroxic when I was in my teens.

The ‘thin is good’ mentality is still in me as much as I would like to say that it doesn’t bother me if I put on weight. But over the years I have grown to love myself for the me that I am. It is a kind of growing inner confidence that I know that I am not ugly and that being thinner would not make me any better. I am grateful for what I have been blessed with.

PS - Other than the boringness (of 'trying' to finish essays and preparing for exams plus revision lectures which make you feel that you can't revise because you know nothing Yet.) of life, I signed up to work for the Soweto Gospel Choir Concert. Never mind that it is a day before my first exam paper. Heck it cause it is the only exciting thing to look forward to.