Fish Bones

Mum reminded me again that its mother’s day last weekend.

Ok I forgot again.

But at least I remembered to send her a card a few weeks ago when it was UK’s Mother’s Day. It is so confusing. We should have a global Mother’s Day.

I read my Uncle’s post about my ‘ahmah’, (my nan) at the office and I had to wipe away a tear. Thankfully everyone is too busy to notice. I think I have read that story a long time ago. It got me emo then and now when I read it again I still got emo.

My relationship with my ‘ahmah’ was a difficult one. I was clumsy, cheeky and spoilt while my little brother was just the very opposite. As a kid I was often jealous that my ‘ahmah’ was always picking on me (for all the obvious reasons) and not my goody goody brother. I hated it so much when she nagged me to take my bath, to do my bed, to not talk when I eat, (because I will eat ‘air’ which is bad), to not rest my legs on the table, and the list goes on. My brother does everything ‘ahmah’ asks him too. He was the angel and me the little monster.

'Ahmah' and I seem to have a personality clash. We argued a lot on stupid little things. I did things the way she would disapprove just to annoy her. I remember once I had a huge row with her. I was really rude to her. After the row, I had diner and I choked on a fish bone and was rushed to the hospital. Karma perhaps.

Since the incident, I had a bit of a phobia of eating fish. The fishes in Malaysia are little baby ones with lots of bones unlike the big fishes here. Grandma would always take the bones away for me.

When she was diagnose with cancer, I was 13. She had to get treatment from a hospital in the city and I missed her. When she passed away not long after that, I stopped eating fish for a while because I didn’t know how to take the bones away. Grandma has always done that for me. I didn’t know how to and I didn’t want to learn.

I never told ahmah how much I love her and how much of an inspiration she has been to me. More importantly how sorry I am for being the little monster at home.

We often never cherish the things we have until we lose it.

I changed a lot after losing ahmah. I became quieter. Perhaps it was remorse for all the mean things I had said to her. I started to study harder cause she always tells me to study hard. She always tells me to study hard, so that one day I can go to university like Uncle LM whom she is very proud of.

My relationship with my mum was not an easy one either.
Probably cause we are too much alike.

But I always tell my mum that I love her.

The last time I told her I love her on the phone
She said ‘Go find a boyfriend to say that lah….’

Happy Mother’s Day mum….