The Moment

There are moments in life when you feel that you want to be a better person.

Yesterday I felt ‘the moment’.
I was on a bus with 4 heavy bags of groceries of 1kg of rice, a few types of noodles (I haven’t had noodles for ages) and more food, food, food….
Even my big handbag was filled with food, food, food…
It has been ages since I last shopped for food which explains how busy I have been lately.
My food cupboard has been empty for a while now. Sad, sad, sad…
The bus was full of elderly and middle age black ladies.
Next stop and I will be home. Happy, happy, happy…
I struggle a bit to balance myself with the heavy groceries.
And the lady opposite me stood up to press the bell for me.
She had to get up with her walking stick.
Then the lady who sat next to me helped me sling my handbag onto my arm as my hands were juggling the bags of food.
I was touched. I felt the fuzzy fuzzy feeling in my tummy.

That moment I told myself that I want to be a kinder person.
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Have been studying hard for the coming exams. I have never studied so hard in my life. I have been studying so hard to the point of passing out. Ok I am exaggerating but I have never studied so hard in my life ever. I am just exhausted from trying to understand how everything works. Steps, steps , steps….. rules,rules and more fucking rules. Exceptions to rules and sub-exceptions.

The thought of failing and letting mum and dad down keeps me going everyday.
They really believed in me.
If only I could believe in myself as much as they do.