From Home With Love

Another year of special times..
A year filled with good fortune in everything you do..
A year that sees your wishes and dreams coming true..
A year to find contentment right from the very start..
A year for all special things you hold close to your heart..
A year to just enjoy your life with never a regret..
A year to making memories that you will not forget..

Damn touch lah..

I always complain that mum and dad send empty cards. The last few years all they did was put down their signatures. I have been complaining that they should at least write somehing. So this year they bought a card with a poem on it that has got me emo for the whole week. I read the words on the card everyday like it gives me a sense of courage to go through each day.

I think I caught a bug last Saturday when I got drenched on my way to the hairdressers. I can feel myself falling sick and I know it is not psychological cause it is the weekend.

Gonna jump into bed and hope I will be ok tommorow.

Love everyone muchos.

We Just Don't Care Anymore

I was on the bus home today.
I was sitting near the back.
The bus was full as always.

Later, this old lady got on the bus with lots of shopping bags.
She was stumbling slowly towards the back of the bus.

I stood up and gave her my seat.

I am blogging about this not to shout out that I have done something good but more of annoyance that people just don't seem to care anymore for people.

People are selfish.
And when you do something good people will say that you are doing it because you want to feel good about yourself.
It is hard to be nice when the world around you is nasty and mean.

On a brighter note it is Friday tommorow!!!

My brother sent me this song.

It is the song of the month.

"Hurt" - Christina Aguilera.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Suprised and touched.

I thought I was going to pass out at work yesterday.
There was so much work. It was madness.
All I wanted to do at work was to pass out on my bed.

But when I got home.
I was like 'Yay! Home!!' Automatically hyper mode.
So I didn't pass out in the end.
I decided not to be lazy and went for salsa class.

I got home at 6pm. Cooked dinner. Ate dinner. Showered.
Out to catch the bus at 7pm.

Salsa was fun as always.
Although, I kept getting the timing for the turns wrong and was turning one beat earlier. But I did get it in the end after some personal coaching from the instructor. It was hillarious.

I snoozed for an hour this morning.
Only woke up when the postman came knocking on the door.
Mum and dad sent me a birthday parcel.
Happy happy happy.
The words one the card was very touching.
Tears tears tears.

Ok should stop now and get back to work. Don't want to get emo at work.

PS - I saw Boyz II Men on GMTV this morning. I heart Boyz II Men.....

Weird

I woke up this morning with the weirdest feeling in the world.

I felt happy to go to work.
I was like 'yay I am going to work.'

I think I am going mad.

Now with piles of work still piling....
My mind is going blank and I wish I am back in my duvet...

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Weird.

Friends

Started watching this while I was doing the bloody ironing.
I loveeeeee it.
I am so tired but I really want to finish it.
Oh man... if only I don't have to go to work tommorow...

I really hate ironing. The iron should never have been invented. I wish I could hire an elf to do my ironing...

Connected

Stella came to stay with me for a bit in Birmingham last summer.
And she calls me a clean freak.

I love cleaning up. It is kind of therapeutic. I know I am sad.

I think I got my clean freak nature from my mum.
I remember a friend came over to my house in Muar and commented ‘..the floors in your house is sparkling..’ I never realise it but it was actually shinning!! Thanks to mum’s hard work of course.

I remember she used to make me and my bro clean the windows every week!
It is something that we Have to do every week. There is no trying to lie that we have done it cause mum will know it immediately.

When mum came to stay with me last summer and saw me cleaning the apartment.
I was surprised when she said ‘Don’t need to clean so much lah, you should not get your hands rough…’

Actually besides cleaning the window mum never made us do much housework. Me and bro help out a bit but she being the superwoman that she is does most of it most of the time. When I went to college and had to clean the toilets of the hostels during ‘gotong-royong’, I realised that I have never ever clean the toilets at home. So when I went back during the holidays I told mum I will clean the toilets. We kids never appreciate little things that our folks do for us until we leave home and have to do it ourselves.

When I got back from Emma’s party on Saturday, I saw that the internet was fixed! I was so excited until I realised I couldn’t remember where I have packed my internet cable. It was too late in the night to wake my housemate up to borrow a stupid cable. So I ended up spring cleaning my room, opening boxes after boxes to find the cable. I know I have been here for almost a year but most stuffs are still in boxes because I couldn’t be arsed to unpack them knowing I might move again.

I finally found it! And it was almost1am. I was too knackered but happy.

Finally, I am connected to the rest of the world.

PS- Just realised that the internet is wireless. What the…
Oh well, at least I finished unpacking.

4 More Weeks

Missed the bus yesterday because I stopped at the Christmas market to buy overpriced chestnuts. But they were so yummy!!!! Reminder to self, I shall not walk pass the Christmas market to catch the bus next time.

Am sick of having sandwiches for lunch.

So I made a sushi lunchbox.


The only thing I have in my fridge was eggs. I don’t even have vinegar. So that was not actually proper sushi but I was content. Anything other than sandwich makes me happy.

This is for you Ef….


Soft German Dougnuts. I ate 3 big balls for you Ef!! Absolutely delish and totally how doughnuts should be. Pure and soft with no rubbish fillings. I hate doughnuts with jam/chocolate. Doughnuts should be eaten at it is.

Can’t believe its only 4 more weeks to Christmas!!! 2007 has gone by so quickly.

I realised that I have Only worked for 1 year but somehow it feels much longer. It feels like I have been working all my life. I feel middle-age. I feel like I am turning into a boring working woman.

Old friends always tell me that they can’t keep up with my ‘happening’ life. But the truth is it is actually quite boring. What you read on this blog are the few rare moments of ‘excitingness’ in my otherwise rather mundane life.

Working life makes me feel like a robot. Everyday feels like yesterday and tomorrow is going to be like today. Actually that is not totally true. I do like my job sometimes where I get to go places and meet lots of different people. I do get to meet some really inspiring people which make me want to do more with life.

But at the moment I find it hard to break the routine. I am becoming lazy. All I want to do after work is to just do nothing. I hate it when laziness takes over.

Its only 4 more weeks to Christmas.
So much to do so little time and laziness is taking over.

Lovers of The Arctic Circle

Got a £10 HMV gift voucher from work.
So off I went to get something at HMV for myself.

I spent like ages at the world movie section trying to choose a film.

Was going to get Realms of The Senses, this controversial Japanese movie which apparently is one of the most Erotic film in cinema history. But I had to pay £10 extra for it. Being cheapo, I decided against spending so much money on a dvd even if it is super good. I probably could get it off Youtube. Its one of my to do list when I get internet in 2 weeks time.

So I ended up with this Spanish film by director Julio Medem – Les Amants Des Circulor Polar.
It started off really slow and I was like ‘…oh shit not another draggy love story…’
Perhaps it was because it was in Spanish that captivated me.
I just love the feeling of watching a foreign film.

The theme of this film is all about coincidences. How things happen in full circle. Those of you who know me would know that I absolutely love all these stuff about destiny and coincidences in life. I love the feeling of serendipity. When some things in life just happen to surprise you and you get the warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Like all great love story, the story of Otto and Ana is a tragic one.
But I didn’t shed any tear because the ending was kind of abrupt though not unexpected.

I love how the names of Ana and Otto are geometrical and can be spelt backwards.

Favourite quote from the film…
‘You have to accept life’s difficulties in good humour because they come and go. They can’t last forever.’

Everything in life is temporary. Nothing last forever. They say love is forever. But is it really?

My favourite moment in the film was the part at the Artic Circle in Finland where the midnight sun was gliding along the horizon. No acting, no drama but the awesomeness of mother-nature was captured at its purest form. That bit is unforgettable…

Dreams of the Peaceful Dragon by Katie Hickman

I saw this book at the library and I knew immediately I had to read it. This book is an account of Katie Hickman’s visit to Bhutan at a time when Bhutan started opening its doors to foreigners. Just like Johnathan Gregson’s account of the Himalayan Kingdoms in his book Kingdom Beyond the Clouds, Katie Hickman has made her travels into the forbidden country come alive in her book Dreams of the Peaceful Dragon. Absolutely love it.

It has always been my dream to go explore the Himalayan Kingdoms. There is this deep fascination of going somewhere which despite globalization in the world has managed to preserve its beautiful culture. Because of its high altitude location, it is so isolated from the rest of the world that what is up there is a mystery that every traveller wants to unravel for themselves.

The West might see Bhutan as backwards. But the truth is Bhutan has preserved its rich culture and heritage that no other country in this world has been able to. Its people are self sufficient without the need to worry about things like world economy or interest rates of America. It has also done well in NOT being ‘duped’ by the British empire who tried to signed treaties in the early 18th century to control the country like it has done to Malaya and the other Commonwealth countries.

It still amazes me how easily the British manipulated the Sultans of Malaya at that time. The British come to other countries in the 17th/18th century with the ‘noble’ intention of wanting to ‘develop’ them. There really is no ‘noble’ intention at all. What they really wanted was to control the natural resources of the countries. All these pretence of nobleness infuriates me because what they did was nothing but bullying. But we can’t change history. The British Empire would defend themselves by saying that they have created infrastructures like school, roads, etc, I will give them minimal credit for that. Despite all my negative feelings to what the British Empire did to the colonies, I do find it hard to imagine what Malaysia would be like had we not been colonised.

Katie Hickman was invited to Bhutan by the husband of a Bhutanese princess when she was travelling in India. Apparently it is really hard to get permit to visit Bhutan as they are sceptical of foreigners and only allow a minimum number into the country each year. Those who are given a permit have to pay a few hundred USDs per day to the government of Bhutan whilst they are there.

Secretly wishing I might meet some Bhutanese royalty when I am in India who will invite me to Bhutan. Going to Bhutan as a royal guest! I will be in cloud nine if that ever happens.

PS - I will have internet at home in 2 weeks time. Thanks to my housemate for sorting it out. Can't believe I have been living without internet at home for a year! So much Youtubing, MsN-ing to catch up on...

Happy Things

Things that make me happy happy...

...I found The size 3 Boots!!! Its flat and I can still run to catch the bus everyday. And I got it for a bargain!! Love it love it.

...A stranger I met on my way to work told me my pink coat is cute. Its not actually pink. More like peach. I got that when I was at Warwick. I think I have outgrown that coat now. I don't feel 'peach'/'pink' anymore. Time to hunt for the 'new' coat.

...Being on the lift with cute guys. I was just telling Ef that cute guys make the world a better place. I am sure guys would say 'sexy' hot girls make the world a better place. On the subject of guys...I was chatting with my bro the other day and he said 'great guys' are hard to find these days. Totally agree. But was not sure to be amused or worried that the statement come from my brother a hot blooded male.

...Its the weekend and I am feeling quite healthy again.

Bon weekend everyone!!!

Retired

Have been volunteering at a school to help some kids with Maths.
I just love starting the day with the kids.
It feels like you are doing something worthwhile.
Even though I wasn’t too sure of how to control the kids.
I don’t want to tell them off cause I am not their mother.

Some of the kids were really rude and difficult.
I feel grateful to mum and dad.
I think they have brought me up well.
I think I turned out alright. I think…

I thought of my dad who is retiring today and how he has dedicated his life to being a teacher.
34 years!!! I think it is pretty amazing.

I could still remember how he taught me to walk, to read, to count…

I was a slow learner when I was a kid. I still remember being kicked out of the house because dad got so annoyed trying to teach me. I think I was 7 then. I was so stupid that by the time I had mastered how to read, my 4 year old brother was just as good as me.

But dad never gave up on me.
He always believed in me.

I think the most important thing to date that he has taught me is to believe in myself.
I have come a long way from a kid who was struggling to read.

I am who I am.
I am where I am.
Because of my loved ones who never stopped believing in me.

Their love and faith has made everything in life worth striving for.

Psychological

I am feeling a wee bit sick at the moment.
Hot and cold flushes at night.
Tummy hurts. The sight of food makes me nauseous.
The last is really not normal of me.

My own diagnosis is it is just stress and the cure is the weekend.
Its only Tuesday...

I am shiverring and feeling feverish. Maybe its not psychological...

Shit lah...

Mondays...

Currently listening to Maroon 5’s album ‘It Won’t Be Soon Before Long.’ My bro said when he listened to this album he is reminded of me. Apparently this kinda music is totally me. Not sure what he is implying…that I am absolutely cheesy maybe. But before he loaded the song for me I have not heard of any of the songs at all.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about ‘the future’. I seriously have no idea at all where I want to be. My family feels I should work abroad and experience ‘the life’. But sometimes I just wish I could see my family more often. Its tough being away from home and only those who have been away will understand how hard it is. I feel a bit homeless.

Part of me wants to go back but I am getting quite settled here in UK. If I were to go back and if it is tough there, my folks will say ‘We told you so…’ Damn, I hate it when they are right and they always are. Almost always anyway….

It is a morbid thought as well that time is ticking away and life is short. And I want to spend my short life being with my loved ones and not being apart from them. Then my mum will say that perhaps it is better being apart sometimes because being too close will lead to more conflicts and arguments which probably is true. I will probably be sick of my mum urging me to get a boyfriend if I am home all the time.

I really miss mum and dad loads. I always tell my mum I love her when I call home and her reply is always ‘Aiyo, go find a boyfriend to love lah…’

Perhaps it is easier when you have a boyfriend cause you just have to factor him in when making decisions which will reduce all the available options. But I know friends with boyfriends are not having an easy time making decision either. It is all about compromise I guess.

A lot of my friends are surprise when I decided to stay here and work as they all know I am quite a homey person. I love having a quiet weekend just watching TV with my family. I know I am boring. This weekend has been quiet for a change and I just love staying in my duvet reading a book. Currently reading ‘A Thousand Rooms of Dream and Fear’ by Atiq Rahimi. Brilliantly written but quite disturbing.

I apologise as this entry is so badly structure. I am not too sure what I am going on about. Oh my head hurts. I wish I could go back to bed. Its Monday again….

To Call, To Check or To Fold.

Had a wickedy awayday at Sherwood Forest.


The late night poker was fun. It was my first poker experience. I had a vague idea of how to play poker but was clueless most of the time. Surprisingly, the only 2 girls playing were the final 2 and we were both first timers in poker. Not sure if the guys were impressed or annoyed with us. But it was all good fun.

Reminds me of when I first started playing ‘mahjong’. Was absolutely clueless and I didn’t even realise I had won until my friend’s mum walked behind me and saw my tiles.

Perhaps it is easier to win when you are clueless. Because you don’t even need a poker face, you just go with the gut feeling and lady-luck is normally with you when you are new.

I know a friend who does online poker for a living. It is tax free and he has managed to pay off his student loan. He is now a professional poker player and earning a pretty good living out of it.

I think Poker is a lot about luck, and maybe a bit of skills. I reckon it is a lot to do with gut feeling. But gut feelings may not always be right.

I also had my first experience in a spa! Being a person who is always on the go, it was weird to just sit in a sauna and do nothing. There were loads of steam rooms. My favourite is the Japanese room. After a while of relaxing in the spa, I got my mobile out and started texting a friend as I laze on the waterbed. I got told off by the staff at the spa because mobiles are strictly forbidden.

As I closed my eyes in the steam room, I felt very lucky and thankful.

Thankful to God for having a job that has open many opportunities.
Thankful to God for having met some wonderful and kind people at work.
Thankful to God for all the little blessings that he has showered upon me.

Can’t help but wonder what the hell had I done to deserve His blessings….

In Love Again

Song of the month. I love this song even though she is not that great a singer.

The weekend was absolutely fantastic. It is weird how people meet people. Like how strangers become friends. It is amazing when you meet people who make you feel warm inside and you feel totally at ease with someone you have just met. You can feel the genuine warmth in your stomach.

I told my dad I was going to a strip club in Leicester. He said ‘Aiyo, TV also got lah…’ My dad makes me laugh. Maybe next time he and mum come to visit I will bring them there.

It was not as erotic as I had thought it would be. Maybe it was because I was at a female strip club not a male one. The girls were all pretty hot. I guess you have to be hot to be a stripper. I thought the boys’ faces were quite funny. They all had ‘muka tension’ (serious faces) as they watch the strippers doing their pole dancing. Can’t help but wonder what was in their minds….

What was I thinking as I watched the strippers doing their thing? I can’t help but wonder if they actually enjoyed what they are doing…How they were actually feeling as they bare it all…I was actually quite impressed by their pole dancing which was actually quite an athletic tasks.

Some people feel that it is morally wrong. But strip dancing is actually an art. It is seen as filthy because people perceived it to be. We would all be naked had Eve not eaten the apple.

I wonder how the world would be if Eve had not eaten the apple.

If Eve had not eaten the apple, we won’t have to worry about looking good because we will always be beautiful naked.

In case you haven’t realised it, go check yourself out in the mirror naked and you will be amazed!

We all look good naked because God created everything in the world to be beautiful….

Bollywood Drama

Was at the Indian Consulate the other day to make my visa…

The queue was mad. And I thought by arriving at 8am I was early. How wonderfully naïve! People were queuing since 6am! There were like 100 plus people in front of me. Madness.

Just like the Malaysian High Com in London, the Indian Consulate was just as dramatic. Felt annoyed and entertained at the same time. Felt quite at home in a strange foreign way.

I brought a book just to keep myself entertain as the long wait continue. Suddenly someone at the counter was swearing and making a big fuss. He was so angry he tried to punch the person at the consulate. I think everyone got quite excited that a fight was starting. Drama drama…

After a while, I started chatting with this guy who was sitting next to me. He reminded me of dad. It was weird cause I started telling him stuffs that I don’t normally tell strangers or even people at work. I started pouring out to him how tough it has been working abroad on my own. How much I missed my family. And he shared with me his experiences. He was born in South Africa, parents were from Canton, married to an Indian lady and have been working in the UK for 40 years. Quite a cool pensioner I thought.

In front of me in the queue were 2 middle age ladies. One looked very much like a man and I wasn’t too sure until she went to the ladies. I started talking to the other lady. Then the lady who is not a man returned from the toilet. She held the other lady’s hand and kissed her on the neck. I was not shocked because I kind of felt they were lesbians. They were very open in displaying public affection. I have gay friends but I have never met any lesbians. It was interesting to watch them. Sweet in a strange way…

Sometimes I get asked if I am a lesbian when people find out I am single. Being single does not mean I am a lesbian! I find that really strange. But after the brief encounter with the lesbians at the Consulate, I am 100% sure I am not a lesbian. I can’t imagine myself doing what they are doing. I can’t imagine having sex with a woman. I can accept lesbian for what they are but I can’t imagine myself as one.

After a day of Bollywood drama, I was glad it was over. It was 5.45pm.

I got back my passport and headed back to the office to finish shit loads of work that has been pilling when I was being entertained at the Consulate.