Muar Muar Muar

The bridge

Whenever I go home my heart skips when I see the bridge. You know you are home when you see the bridge.

More random Muar pics...

And the photographer..

My baby brother - He is modelling my new specs and I think he looks better in them than me. I remember when I was 6 and he was 3. He used to make a big fit when I had to go to kindergarten in the mornings. He would want to have his hair tied up like me. He would want to dress up like he was going to kindergarten too. And I would bully him into doing my colourings homework for me. I even delegated some colouring work to grandma. I already knew all about delegation at 6 years old!

First week back to work has been quite hectic. Took me an hour just going through work e-mails. I wish I knew a way of blocking those random blanket e-mails that is really getting on my nerves.

Thank God the week is over. Tummy has been feeling awful since I got back. Maybe maybe my tummy is not used to eating The Food that I cook. I have got next week as hols as was planning to go on a trip with some friends from work which is now been cancelled.

So am a free bird next week. Probably just stay in bed and start watching Prison Break.

Hopefully something exciting pops up next week. Highly unlikely but who knows....

Overdue

Long overdue but just want to say thank you to all you people who made time to meet up.

I can't tell you all how touched I am to see everyone.

Special thanks to all of you who have to travel from faraway lands to my little ulu town.

Special present for Joanne ---> The Biawak History of Melaka. (http://ms.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kesultanan_Melayu_Melaka)

At Air Panas/Gunung Ledang.
JJ, Shu and PJ.

With Daffy The Supermodel and presenting the New Fel-Rocks.

Old friends who I grew up with.
Its weird, sometimes when I see my old friends, I feel like a proud mother. They have all grown up to be fine young people. I am so proud of them all.

PS – These are the pics I have. Sing Cher you have to send me those we took with your camera on Celina's birthday.

Numb

It has been one of the most emotional 2 weeks.
The ups and down.
The highs and lows.
The happiness and sadness.
The laughter and the tears.

I feel emotionally numb.

Another one of my aunts has been diagnosed with cancer.
It is sad. But what else can I do but to let the tears fall.
There is nothing I can do for her except to pray for the best.

It was a kind of de ja vu.
6 years ago, when I was at college, dad told me that my Big (Eldest) Aunt was diagnosed with cancer. I loved her to bits but I didn’t feel sad or cry when I was told of the bad news. I told dad that somehow it felt normal to get cancer, both my grandmas got cancer, and I told dad that one day I will die of cancer too. It is inevitable. Dad said I shouldn’t think this way and I retorted by saying ‘That’s how it is. There is nothing we can do about it.’ He was silent.
Perhaps another reason I didn’t cry was because I wanted to believe that she will be cured.

I couldn’t stop my tears when I visited Big Aunt a week before she died. The bubbly aunt that I knew was frail and in pain. I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do for her. There was so much I wanted to say to her but words fail to come out of my mouth. All I did was to hold her tiny hands and let the tears flow. Even when in pain, she gathered the little strength she had to ask me how I was doing at college. I always felt bad for missing her funeral because I was at college. A few months later I had a dream, I was walking along a road and I saw Big Aunt and her husband waving at me. They smiled at me. It is one of those dream where you wake up feeling that the dream could have been real.

Medicine is nothing but guesswork. But it gives us hope.
The hope of survival. The hope for a miracle.

The suffering that comes with cancer treatment is devastating.
To suffer and fight for a chance of survival or..
Not to suffer and just let things take its course.

We all want to spend a few more years with our loved ones.
What is life without hope and faith?

Death is a matter of time. It is the Pain that hurts.
The pain of fighting to survive.
The pain of losing a loved one.
The pain of leaving our loved ones.
The pain of watching our love ones in pain.

Life hurts.
Love hurts.

All we can do is to live everyday like it is our last.
Love with all our hearts even when it hurts.

Like Champagne

When the plane touch down I felt like...
Champagne...
I could feel the bubbles of joy popping out of my head.

Finally I am home after 17 hours!!!
Birmingham-Dubai-KL.
It felt like I have been walking all day when all I did was queue and wait.

Everything feels the same yet different.
Its a strange feeling but its great to be home.

Played badminton with my little brother yesterday.
It was great to feel the heart pumping.
I haven't felt my heart for so long.
I feel alive. My heart is still working. Thank God.

I chatted non stop on the 2.5 hours drive home.
I am not normally so talkative. and I felt quite scared by my talkative self.
Its weird when I talk so much. But I just can't control myself.
And my bro said my mouth is like buntut ayam (chicken butt) when I am talking so much.
I think I am going to shut up a bit.

Yes I am finally home.
Going to try to get some sleep.
Am absolutely knackered from the long long walk home.

Will Be Missed

Went out for a meal with some new interns the other day.
Can’t believe it was 2 years ago that I was a intern myself.

It was the summer of 2005, I remember telling Pam, (the lady who used to clean my flat in my first year) that I was going to spend my summer in Birmingham on my own. She was in tears and told me that Birmingham is a dangerous place to be on my own.
Bless her.
I reassured her I would be fine.
It was all really exciting.
And scary as well…
I told my American friend, Pat that I don’t think I will make any friends because I am quite shy.
And she gave me the best advice ever ‘All you need is one friend and you will be fine.’
Of course I made more than 1 friend and I was more than fine.

Looking back now, I was this shy intern.
Can’t believe I have come so far. Still am shy as always…

It has been almost a year since I left Warwick.
Time seem to fly by quicker.
It has been tough being on my own.

I find it hard to cry these days. Nothing seems to hurt anymore.
But the floodgates were let loose the other day when I was watching the contestants on Dance X talking about how much they want to win the competition and how much support they have received from their family. That was it. I started sobbing in the kitchen. It might have been the stress of the exams or having suppressed my tears for so long.

Tears have dried up now and I am feeling ‘up’.
Definitely stronger than yesterday.

I miss my family who never stop believing in me, and whose love keeps me going everyday.
I miss the old friends who have been there for me throughout the years.
I have been really bad at remembering birthdays and stuffs like that but everyone at home is constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
I miss lying in my bed room though the wee hours of the night reading a book.
I miss eating food that oozes with love at every mouthful.
I miss just being lazy and pampered like a princess.
I miss being daddy’s spoilt little girl.
I miss the little family prayers we use to do every night.

Strangely I will miss UK….
I will miss the new friends I have made this year.
I will miss my cereal.
I will miss watching Ready Steady Cook when I come back from college.
I will miss the driving lessons.
I will miss the freedom and independence of being on my own.
I will miss the weather which is temperamental like myself.
It has been 4 years and I have grown fond of UK in a strange way.

Going home in 5 days… one special friend that I will definitely miss is Miss Natra Wannathepsakul who is the last of the Warwick Clan remaining this year and sadly she is finally leaving Warwick for good. I was secretly hoping she will stay for another year or two.

Will miss you Ef, hope your hair will always look cool and all your dreams come true.